


Another Kiss

by legolastariel



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Daryl Dixon, POV First Person, Second Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 00:04:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8868340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legolastariel/pseuds/legolastariel
Summary: Rick hugged Daryl after they were - finally - reunited at the Hilltop. And later that day he mustered all his courage and took the opportunity to tell Daryl everythang - and kiss him. But thangs are never easy when it comes to those two. These are Daryl's thoughts and emotions during the same scene TWDObsessive described in her story "The Kiss" - and it takes it a little bit further.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852512) by [TWDObsessive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWDObsessive/pseuds/TWDObsessive). 



> This story is the companion story to TWDObsessive's "The Kiss", which was inspired by my story "The Hug reloaded", which was inspired by TWDObsessive's story "The Hug". LOL!!!!!!!!!!! Wonder how long this list can get, till we've used up the 5000 characters we're allowed in the notes. :-)
> 
> Unlike TWDObsessive, I don't have a wonderful beta and this is not even my mother tongue, so I hope, it's not gonna have your toe nails curl too much. :-)

_** Another kiss  ** _

 

          “I meant it”, he said out of nowhere while we were walking over to the Hilltop’s well. 

I looked over to him and crinkled my brow as though I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, pretending to be extremely busy working the handle of that pump.

I knew exactly what he was talking about. How could I possibly forget what he said to me earlier? Even while he was standing there a few feet away from me, I still felt his arms around me, his body pressed close to mine, his fingers entangled in my hair and his breath warm against my neck.

Has anybody ever hugged me that way before? When was the last time anybody had hugged me _at all?_ Carol did. After Terminus. And after we destroyed the Savior outpost. But then again, wasn’t that _me_ giving _her_ a hug? To thank her. For comfort. Because we’re friends. Because both times it had been a very close call.   
But Rick’s hug was different. It _felt_ different. It was so much more than just a pair of arms around me.

         _“You know I love you, don’t you?”_

That’s what he had whispered in my ear when we held each other close as though it wasn’t the first time we hugged, but the last. There’s a war ahead, so maybe it was. I don’t want to think about it, but if our time is up, at least I got to hold him that one time and there will be nothing left unsaid.

         _“I love you.”_

No one ever said _‘I love you’_ to me before, because nobody ever did. Not like this. 

Merle loved me in his own special way, but he sure as hell would never have told me.   
_ “Dixons ain’t saying no sappy crap like that, unless they wanna have their head shoved down the toilet _ .”  
I think, that was the first of his Dixon rules he taught me. When I was about four years old and dared tell him on his birthday that I loved him. 

Beth, Denise and Carol. I know they loved me, still do – like sisters, like friends. Same as the rest of our group. We’re all close. We’re family. 

But what’s between Rick and I, that’s different. Special. _More_. A lot more than the love between friends, even brothers – I’ve known how I felt for him for a long time. Just never thought he would ever reciprocate my feelings. Never thought he could.

         _“I ain’t much to love.”_

That was my answer to his confession and I meant it.   
What does he see in me that I don’t? Why can’t he see what I am? A jinx first of all. People die around me. Merle. Beth. Denise. Glenn.  I can’t bear the thought, that I might get Rick killed, too, one of these days. These deaths are all on me and they will haunt me forever. How can he even trust me, let alone love me?

_ “This guilt you’re hellbent on owning, Daryl? It will kill you. You gotta let it go.” _

I know, he meant well. I know, if there’s ever been anyone who understands, anyone who feels what I feel, it’s him. But he’s wrong. This guilt isn’t gonna kill me – it’s keeping me alive. And hopefully him, too. It reminds me every single day of what I am, what I’ve done, the mistakes I’ve made – and with every breath I still got in me I’ll try to do better from now on, to never repeat those mistakes. That’s the least I owe him, even if it means carrying that load for the rest of my days.

_ “Trust me now when I tell you what you mean to me.” _

When he took my face into his hands and leaned forward till his lips were only a breath away from mine, I couldn’t help but gasped.  
Not because I was scared. Not because I didn’t want this or had second thoughts.  
How could I? I’d been waiting for this kiss, for _Rick,_ all of my life. But how could _I_ possibly be what he wanted, what he needed? He didn’t know …

When his lips touched mine and started to plant those tender and reassuring kisses on my mouth, I couldn’t help but respond. He tasted of the tears we had shed together that afternoon. And of that piece of apple pie we had been able to save from Maggie’s latest snack attack. And of hope and love and home and everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I need him so badly, more than he will ever know and my arms slipped around him all by themselves and pulled him close.

I wish the most precious moments of our lives would be frozen in time, so we could just stay there, relive them over and over and never have to let go.   
But the moment passed and the kiss ended way too soon. He stood close in front of me, his eyes shining with joy in the brightest blue I’ve ever seen, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He never looked more beautiful to me than in that moment.

There was a terrible stinging sensation in my eyes again and the next moment I turned on my heels and ran away. I still do.

 

_ Dixons never run.  _ I hear Merle’s voice in the back of my mind and up until now, this has been one rule I stuck to. But Merle has never been in a situation like this, so how would he know? My brother has never been in love, never had someone in his life that meant more to him than life itself, never had to make a decision like this. And I’m not sure whether to pity or to envy him.

         “Daryl!”

I hear Rick’s voice right behind me and his hurried footsteps as he tries to catch up with me. It’s kind of childish to run like this, especially since there’s no place to go, no way out of this. So I stop and turn around to him. 

         “I’m sorry”, he says, breathing laboredly, and I know it’s not due to the running.

I knew he was gonna say that. Knew he was gonna think it was his fault, something he’s done wrong, when in fact the kiss was the most magical, most beautiful moment of my entire life. 

         “Don’t be. Ain’t about the kiss. ‘s just … Ya don’t know, what yer getting yerself into.”

         “I think, I do. And it’s exactly what I want.”

I can’t look into his eyes a moment longer and dip my head, swallowing thickly against a lump in my throat.

         “I ain’t the man anymore ya used ta know. I did things. Things that weren’t me. That guy, who had yer gun … I … “

He takes a step closer to me, reaches out a hand, but then hesitates, obviously uncertain if I want to be touched right now.

         “We all did things, Daryl, you know that. Me first of all, so …”

         “’s different. Despite of all that happened, all we’ve been through, I always felt like I ‘s still _me_. But the Saviors … What they did … There’s a line, Rick, and they had me cross it. And the place beyond is dark. Very dark. Don’t want ya to follow me there.”

         “I’m already there, Daryl. Have been there for a long time.”

He lifts his hand and cautiously touches mine after all, gently closing his fingers around mine and holding on.

         “The three questions I keep asking people – I know, I wouldn’t pass my own test any longer. I was pushed over that line a long time ago – when I killed Shane. But in all this time, you were my light in there, helped me to find my way in that darkness. Maybe we don’t get to come back from there, but as long as we’re together, we can be each other’s beacon. Light will always be stronger than darkness, Daryl.”

This has me look at him in awe. It’s one thing to let someone know how much they mean when things look bright, but he just got to see the darkness and _still_ loves me, still wants me, still thinks the world of me. _Now_ I know he means it. 

It’s me lifting my hands to cup his cheeks this time, gently holding his head for a moment before slowly leaning in. I entangle my fingers in his curls and press my lips to his in the next moment, less soft than during our previous kiss. I know I’m crying again, while I pull him close almost desperately and he responses likewise, deepening the kiss instantly.

It doesn’t matter who sees us. Doesn’t matter what happened yesterday or will tomorrow. This is now. This is _us._ And right in this moment we both understand, finally, what we mean to each other.  


End file.
